How To Tally Up The Points You Earn For Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid

Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid Is No Fun

Celebrating Snotsgiving And How To Keep Score

As I said yesterday on Facebook when posting this picture of my two sick, glassy eyes kids: Happy Snotsgiving from the Wallenstein Croup.

Add These Points Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid

+5 points for 1st kid
+7 points for 2nd kid
+3 points if one doesn’t speak yet
+6 points if nether speak yet
+12 points if child speaks and more than 65% of the day they spend whining
+25 points if both children whined
+10 points for each time you say “eat your (breakfast, lunch, dinner)”
+17 points for each time you say “eat your (breakfast, lunch, dinner)” once number above reaches 100
+15 points for omitting the swear word you want to say (that rhymes with trucking) after the word “your” and before the word (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
+9 points for each time you say “cover your mouth”
+7 points for each time you say “cover your nose”
+6 points for each time you say “no, I will NOT throw out your tissue”
+11 points for each time you say “drink this, it will make you feel better”
+3 points for each load of laundry you do to sanitize everything within a 10 foot radius of said child/ren
+5 points for each time you say “stay away from your brother or sister”
+4 points for each time you say “don’t touch that”
+2 points for each time you say “wash your hands”
+3 points for each time you apply Aquafor to the child/ren’s nose
+6 points for each sheet change
+1 points every time you turn on the humidifier
+2 points every time you say “blow not wipe”
+20 points for each doctor visit
+25 points for each pharmacy visit after 8pm
+50 points for going back to the pharmacy because you forgot the thing you went to buy (but came home with Peppermint Patties)
+4 points if the child wants to sleep in a tank top, it’s snowing outside, & a fight ensues
+6 points for each time you try to convince the child a hot shower will feel good

Subtract These Points Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid

-5 points for each time you recommend watching a movie vs. a 22 minute show because you will have to return to the germ den to put on another one
-10 points for each errand you make up to get out of your house the second your partner gets home
-3 points for each time you tell your child they are sick because they put their hands in their mouth/didn’t wear their coat/went outside with a wet head
-6 points for each time you wanted to sell your kid to the circus for annoying you even though they’re sick and you should be nice
-15 points for the happy dance you do once the children fall asleep
-5 points for each glass of wine you drink
-10 points for each carafe
-15 points for each bottle
-20 points for each magnum

Now add up your points….and think about Mother’s Day.