Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid Is No Fun
Celebrating Snotsgiving And How To Keep Score
As I said yesterday on Facebook when posting this picture of my two sick, glassy eyes kids: Happy Snotsgiving from the Wallenstein Croup.
Add These Points Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid
+5 points for 1st kid
+7 points for 2nd kid
+3 points if one doesn’t speak yet
+6 points if nether speak yet
+12 points if child speaks and more than 65% of the day they spend whining
+25 points if both children whined
+10 points for each time you say “eat your (breakfast, lunch, dinner)”
+17 points for each time you say “eat your (breakfast, lunch, dinner)” once number above reaches 100
+15 points for omitting the swear word you want to say (that rhymes with trucking) after the word “your” and before the word (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
+9 points for each time you say “cover your mouth”
+7 points for each time you say “cover your nose”
+6 points for each time you say “no, I will NOT throw out your tissue”
+11 points for each time you say “drink this, it will make you feel better”
+3 points for each load of laundry you do to sanitize everything within a 10 foot radius of said child/ren
+5 points for each time you say “stay away from your brother or sister”
+4 points for each time you say “don’t touch that”
+2 points for each time you say “wash your hands”
+3 points for each time you apply Aquafor to the child/ren’s nose
+6 points for each sheet change
+1 points every time you turn on the humidifier
+2 points every time you say “blow not wipe”
+20 points for each doctor visit
+25 points for each pharmacy visit after 8pm
+50 points for going back to the pharmacy because you forgot the thing you went to buy (but came home with Peppermint Patties)
+4 points if the child wants to sleep in a tank top, it’s snowing outside, & a fight ensues
+6 points for each time you try to convince the child a hot shower will feel good
Subtract These Points Taking Care Of Your Sick Kid
-5 points for each time you recommend watching a movie vs. a 22 minute show because you will have to return to the germ den to put on another one
-10 points for each errand you make up to get out of your house the second your partner gets home
-3 points for each time you tell your child they are sick because they put their hands in their mouth/didn’t wear their coat/went outside with a wet head
-6 points for each time you wanted to sell your kid to the circus for annoying you even though they’re sick and you should be nice
-15 points for the happy dance you do once the children fall asleep
-5 points for each glass of wine you drink
-10 points for each carafe
-15 points for each bottle
-20 points for each magnum
Now add up your points….and think about Mother’s Day.
